“Mama he’s crazy, crazy over me. And in my life is where he say he always wants to be.”
He has literally told me this. He wants to be in my life no matter what. I have known him now for a month. A month! We spend Saturday evenings together and text everyday. Telephone conversations a few times a week. He is sweet and caring. He opens the door, puts on my coat, and tells me I am beautiful every chance he gets. He holds my hand when we walk. He listens when I talk. He is always positive and respectful. I like making him laugh and we have interesting conversations about everything from politics and religions to music and movies. We don’t agree on everything, but enough to make us compatible without being boring. All seems well except…
I know that I am not ready. Or am I telling myself I am not ready because I am scared? Because to be honest: I am terrified. I have been hurt so many times in the past that the thought of being vulnerable gives me anxiety. I keep him at a distance and don’t allow my thoughts too much time to dwell on him. Although he has a really nice smile and just sent me a picture of himself. A nice picture of just his face with the caption “thinking of you and smiling.” Eek!
My daughter knows that I am dating. It wasn’t hard for her to figure out that I was going on Saturday nights. She’s asking me questions about him and given me a list of qualities she wants in the man I am dating. They are as follows:
- to be nice and caring. (check)
- to want to do fun things (check)
- to be sarcastic (not that I’ve seen but he can take a joke… so half check)
- to not smoke or drink (the “just say no” campaign really worked on her, and check)
- to be taller than me (I’m 5’3 so of course, check)
- to have a job (check)
- and to be able to cook (my ex did a lot of the cooking and she liked that about him, and this guy is a chef so CHECK)
She asked if one day we could all go to dinner together so she can see for herself. Ummm… so yeah… remember that not ready for this thing…. well this is a big one. I mean she is so calm about this and says that she “just wants me to be happy.” Did I mention that she is 11? Because she is. She gave me a bit of a speech, and it was “I know that you love me more than anything and I always come first. I love you mom and you deserve someone that makes you smile. He texts you all the time and posts on Facebook, I think he really likes you. Oh and one day I’m going to college and you’ll be all alone and I told you, you’re not going to college with me.” ( See she loves me. I always tell her that I am sleeping on the floor of her dorm).
For now I am calling in reinforcements and going on a double date with my sister and her husband on Saturday. She is part sister, part mother, and all best friend. I’ll know more after that. Until then… EEK!