So today has been one of those days when the reality of being single again sets in. I had a boyfriend who lived with me for three years and it was a great relationship that ended on amicable terms. We are very grown up about it all. While it is sad to say goodbye to that side of the relationship, we have found a pretty good friendship underneath. We have mutual respect and care for each other. But tonight I lie here thinking about today and realized that I am doing this on my own.
There were two major factors that happened today that made me realize this.
1st: My daughter and I got into an argument that ended with a “you just don’t understand” and a crying 11 year old going to bed at 8 PM. This is the result of her wanting to change her schedule out of Pre AP courses, which she is more than capable of passing, into regular ED classes so that she can have the same classes as a friend of hers. I told her that is not a good enough reason to give up a more rigorous education. Her path she is on will have her in Algebra and Biology in the 8th grade, and in college courses by her senior year in high school. Now to an 11 year old this is not as important as seeing her best friend more often. So I am making this decision for her and she does not like me at the moment. However, I know that she will soon come around and all will be well again. In this fight though it would’ve been nice to have some support from her father. Someone to stand behind me, reassuring me that I am doing the right thing. I know that I am, but someone to talk to her and show her it is not just me vs. her, but me with her best interest as well. She also announced today that she wanted to quit band. Her friend is not in band. I hope this passes soon.
2nd adult moment: Paying and budgeting the bills. I have this system, a spread sheet with all my bills and due dates. As I pay a bill, I highlight it yellow and as it clears my bank I highlight it green. It works for me. Well in creating the 2017 spread sheet I forgot a bill. Yikes!! I went into panic mode. How much money do I have in my account? How many weeks until my next payday? How much for groceries? OH the list goes on. I managed to move around some things and all is covered. Panic subsides slightly. It does mean money will be a bit tight, but we will manage. But I am proud that as I look at the list of bills and see the array of white, yellow, and greens that I am supporting us. I alone have the bills covered. Would it be nice to have someone helping me with bills? Sure, but I do not NEED someone to help me with them! As a teacher I only get paid once a month and I have to make it stretch, but I am well equipped to do just that.
Needless to say today has been quite emotional and worrisome. I sit here knowing that I may not be perfect but I am making it. I may make mistakes, but I am doing the best I can and hope that soon enough my daughter will realize that everything I am doing is with the best of intentions for both of our futures.