So I am sitting here contemplating how the next few months are going to go. Again with my over analyzing mind and needing to plan everything out, there are a few things that are not easy for me. A major one is dating. How do I fit this in to my life now? How do I make time for something I want in my already hectic life? How will I know if its worth it or will work out? And above all else how do I date without feeling guilty that I am neglecting my daughter? How do I balance motherhood, career, and dating? Is it even possible?
I guess the real question is with all I have going on, how do I justify spending my Saturday evenings with anyone other than my daughter? You can say that I spend every evening with her and what’s one night out to enjoy myself? And I am inclined to agree. However, as a teacher I do spend many evenings working and grading for school. She is in no way neglected, as an 11 year old she is happy to be in her room you tubing and netflixing her evenings away. I am not ok with this. I enjoy spending quality time with her and I should plan weekends with her doing fun things.
All of this because well, I met someone. Someone who is really nice to me. Someone who seems to really like me and makes me smile. He doesn’t have as hectic of a life or schedule and has more free time than I. As a chef he works most evenings and weekends, coincidently the exact opposite schedule as me. So we are limited to Saturday evenings to see each other. Hmmm can dating someone only once a week last? Is that enough time to remain connected and interested? I am not sure. I know there are no guarantees. Still not sure what I am going to do with the guilt. I like feeling like a woman and not just a mother, teacher, sister, daughter, and friend. I like the thought of adult conversation and getting to know someone. The thrill of a new connection is intense and hard to walk away from.
Hmmm I guess only time will tell.